{"id":4385,"date":"2018-10-11T10:12:43","date_gmt":"2018-10-11T14:12:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.allebachphotography.com\/blog\/?p=4385"},"modified":"2018-10-11T10:21:26","modified_gmt":"2018-10-11T14:21:26","slug":"from-ignorant-to-ally-my-personal-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.allebachphotography.com\/blog\/from-ignorant-to-ally-my-personal-story\/","title":{"rendered":"From Ignorant to Ally: My Personal Story"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n


\n\u201cMike, I can\u2019t tell you what to do, you know that. \u00a0People here won\u2019t like you photographing gay weddings.\u00a0 You don’t have to take the weddings. Just tell them you have plans. \u00a0I\u2019ll make plans for you if you need plans.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Those were the words of my pastor over 10 years ago. I had decided to give them a heads up that I was going to be photographing same-sex weddings and unions.\u00a0 The pastor’s response was shocking and not shocking at the same time. I was kind of expecting it. For me, this moment was a line in the sand. This moment represented my break with the church and the Republican party and everything those two interlinked structures of power and control represented. <\/span><\/p>\n

Looking back I remember sitting in a meeting where the debate among pastors was \u201cshould the church baptize a lesbian couple?\u201d And they called themselves the accepting church. What was so clear in my mind was not clear in others who considered themselves open and accepting. <\/span><\/p>\n

My upbringing was based around universal concepts humans share: love, belonging and acceptance. We were nestled in a community based between Philadelphia and Amish country full of non-confrontational Mennonites and a local Catholic church. \u00a0The subject of same-sex marriage rarely came up in our conservative community publically that I remember. I was ignorant in the more pure sense of the word. I didn\u2019t know what I didn\u2019t know.\u00a0 I didn’t know the struggle, I didn’t know the non-acceptance, inequality inherent in the system, bullying, the graffiti, and the violence the LGBTQ community faced.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t until middle school I even knew what the word gay meant. \u00a0And in the 90s classmates in school used \u201cgay\u201d as slang for something dumb. In high school, a few kids came out as gay but that was the extent to it. You don\u2019t know what you don\u2019t know. And I didn\u2019t know a lot. <\/span><\/p>\n

Like many, I wasn\u2019t fond of some of my high school experience. \u00a0I had this ongoing nagging feeling like I didn\u2019t fit in. That feeling translated into punk rock music at the time. \u00a0Later on, when I started my business, I decided to be the photographer for people who didn\u2019t have a photographer. \u00a0A photographer for the punk rock kids.\u00a0 As you probably guessed, I didn\u2019t listen to the pastor and starting photographing Gay Unions and weddings. <\/span><\/p>\n

My clients have inspired me so much. When photographing LGBTQ weddings, the most intense part was hearing their stories and hearing the stories their families shared. \u00a0Over the years I\u2019ve heard dozens of cringy turned triumphant speeches from the parent who share their journey of acceptance.\u00a0 \u00a0They started out shocked or in disbelief and came to love their child even more. <\/span>Sadly, not all stories shared have happy endings yet. I\u2019ve also heard the tragic stories of family members who still aren\u2019t there yet. It is unfathomable to me that some parents are unwilling to accept their children. <\/span><\/p>\n

My journey from ignorance about what LGBTQ couples in my community faced was changed by the beautiful people I photograph. \u00a0<\/span>The common story I’ve heard when talking with parents of children from conservative backgrounds is they didn’t personally know gay people.\u00a0 They took what their churches said as gospel until their children came out.\u00a0 They’ve said to me it was a “political issue” until it was my son.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span>
\n<\/span>
\n<\/span>If you\u2019ve ever been to a same-sex or queer wedding, you know you are in for some both amazingly beautiful and some heart-wrenching stories. \u00a0Usually, the wedding ceremony shares pieces of the couple’s story.\u00a0 You might hear how they found each other and maybe you’ll learn a bit about the marriage equality battle fought in the supreme court.\u00a0 If you are like me, you’ll have allergies and find your eyes watering.\u00a0 You’ll leave with more understanding and more hope for a better future in America.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Photographing LGBTQ weddings has taught me so much about being a better ally.\u00a0\u00a0I feel guilty that I once was a part of a system and a church that didn\u2019t accept people for who they are. I\u2019m sad I once supported a political party who didn\u2019t support the full rights of our neighbors and friends. If I had a time machine, my ally journey would have started in high school. I would have supported each people coming out.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe just like me, it\u2019s time for you to leave a toxic or anti-LGBTQ church or leave a faith that really just wants to exert power and control. \u00a0Maybe it\u2019s time to change political parties to one supporting LGBTQ rights. <\/span><\/p>\n

But like the countless stories I\u2019ve heard at weddings, \u00a0I believe we can become better allies. The journey isn’t over yet.\u00a0 We need to listen to the LGBTQ community.\u00a0 In hearing stories of others we all become better.\u00a0 In listening, we learn to love and understand.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

No matter what letter you represent: Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Trans, Queer or Ally, we can create community wherever we go.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

To everyone coming out today,\u00a0 I hope you find more support than you ever imagined and find a new belonging and community.\u00a0\u00a0You are so worthy of love and belonging as you are. Let us know how we can be better allies in the comments.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\"Mike Allebach loves photographing couples. He has been featured in Offbeat Bride<\/a>, Cosmopolitan and Huffington Post.\u00a0 Learn more about weddings and\u00a0couples boudoir<\/a>\u00a0at\u00a0allebachphotography.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cMike, I can\u2019t tell you what to do, you know that. \u00a0People here won\u2019t like you photographing gay weddings.\u00a0 You don’t have to take the weddings. Just tell them you have plans. \u00a0I\u2019ll make plans for you if you need plans.\u201d Those were the words of my pastor over 10 years ago. I had decided … <\/p>\n

Read more “From Ignorant to Ally: My Personal Story”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4387,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[484,485],"class_list":["post-4385","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-ally","tag-lgbtq"],"yoast_head":"\nFrom Ignorant to Ally: My Personal Story<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.allebachphotography.com\/blog\/from-ignorant-to-ally-my-personal-story\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"From Ignorant to Ally: My Personal Story\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cMike, I can\u2019t tell you what to do, you know that. \u00a0People here won\u2019t like you photographing gay weddings.\u00a0 You don’t have to take the weddings. 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